The loyal but sadly misguided Marky Mark (please tell me you are actually Mark Wahlberg) made reference to something called Episode II in our previous post about the best scenes in the Star Wars universe.
Like all right-thinking, decent humans we loath the prequels. We loath George Lucas for retroactively fucking up Episodes IV, V, and VI (go on try to watch the scene where Vader kills the Emperor, I dare you).
George Lucas not only raped William Stroock's childhood Star Wars memories, he sold them to a Mexican narco-cartel who put them in a cheap Juarez brothel where they serve Carlos Slim and his fellow Yellow King cultists. Only Mathew McConaughy and Woody Harelson aren't coming to the rescue.
Time is a flat circle, indeed. [Is that Netzsche? Shut the fuck up-ed.]
I'll leave it to Red Letter Media to explain why these movies suck, and why George Lucas should be deported back to Mexico [back? -ed].
Today we'd like to confess something.
We saw Star Wars: George Lucas Sucks his own Ass [you mean The Phantom Menace ?-ed] the day it came out. We wish we could say we thought it sucked, or sucked George Lucas' Ass [what is it with you this morning? -ed]. But this is not the case.
We were enthralled, enraptured, enchanted. We felt our imagination had been recaptured. George Lucas held us by the fire and subtly undid the back of our dress and we felt his hands on our shoulders gently but instantly pressing down...[dude, you really need to get laid -ed].
We loved the Phantom Menace.
A few days after our mother-in-law died, and needing to get away, my sister-in-law, her husband and I saw Attack of the Clones the midnight it opened. We thought it was long [oh I bet you did, homo -ed] but liked it. After all, there were a lot of things in there we never thought we'd see, like Marky Mark's giant Vietnam like battle, Yoda in the light saber duel, etc.
Now, we're not sure what happened between 2002 and 2005, but we know we went into Revenge of the Sith thinking 'Ok, one good movie can save this entire effort'. We came out of the theater thinking, 'Alas it is not to be'.
Any questions? [Yes, when do you get the reassignment surgery? -ed]
Never meant the not to mention prequels amount to much, but each one has some scenes that are watchable, i.e. Darth Mauls duel. Cant really place much on III.
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