So why are the well-employed, ambitious 30-year-olds of my acquaintance feeling so adrift, as discontented as the balding midlife sad sacks whose cliché dissatisfactions made Updike rich? The women complain of the enervating psychic effects of the professional treadmill as white-collar piecework and describe their dread as they contemplate bleak futures — decade after decade, they imagine, unfulfilled. After a lifetime of saying ‘yes’ to their professional hunger — these are the opportunity-seizers, the list-makers, the ascendant females, weaned on Lean In — they’ve lost it, like a child losing grasp of a helium balloon. Grief-stricken, they are baffled too, for they have always been propelled by their drive. They were the ones who were supposed to run stuff — who as girls imagined themselves leaving the airport in stylish trench coats, hailing a taxi with one hand while holding their cell in the other.Oh dear.
First off, you can't 'have it all' as the article begins. Career, family. One will be good, one will be ok. Pick one. This is the decision men have been making for decade upon decade. We suggest reading or watching Man in a Gray Flannel Suit to see what we mean.
We have this experience in our own family. Our grandfather was a big time corporate ad-exec. You ever see Madmen? That. He wasn't necessarily around a lot. Our old man was a mid-level news producer at NBC. He was around a lot. See the difference?
We ourselves have had an unusual career trajectory. We write. Which means we work from home. Now when all three of our girls arrived we took on Mr. Mom duties. Seven to seven we were the PSG (Primary Care Giver). We were that guy. At the coffee shop with the stroller, taking the baby around the park for a walk, chatting with the gals about daycare, quick recipes and even OBGYNs. We kid you not. Yes, the man-police cited us.
It's the hardest job we ever had.
Here's our suggestion to Millennial gals. Give up, now.
Here's why.
First off, you've been tricked. You were told entering the workforce would give you a fulfilling career. For most of you it simply gave you a job. You were told a job gives you a sense of personal and professional satisfaction. Judging by the above article you're finding out that's not really true. Remember how your old man used to come skulking in the door about 6, jacket off, tie loosened, feet dragging? Why did you think it'd be any different for you? Mostly work is just work. Why do you think 'everybody's working for the weekend'? Most of you will not be setting the world on fire. Most of you will be competent, adequate, average.
You thought you'd be Mary Tyler Moore, when in fact your Pam Beazley from The Office.
We ourselves are nothing more than a mid-list author.
We say from personal experience, keeping house, cooking your family dinner, that's a nice feeling.
We know what you're thinking. You're going to find some nice guy like me who wants to and can stay home with the baby. Good luck with that. 'Cause let me tell you something. They're ain't many like me, babe. Not hardly.
Even If you find a nice prog-sitzpinkler to stay home with the baby you're still on the hook.
Because when push comes to shove, baby wants mommy. Daddy is real nice, but when baby is upset, only mommy will do. That includes 3 AM regardless of whether you need to get up at 6 for work. Mommy is soft, warm and kind. A million years of human evolution says so.
And by the way, when you're getting home at 6:30 because the train was late and you had an exhausting day anyway, your husband will be tearing his hair out because as tired as you may be, your husband is even more tired after a day with that crying, screaming, time-sink. So he's handing baby off to you.
As we said, family, career. Pick one.
Don't get us wrong. We think women should do whatever they want, and we'll fight anyone who says they can't work. We just don't understand why they want to.
Now I gotta go. Time to take the girls to the bus stop.
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