The Most Interesting Background in the World

From the moment I first heard him on the radio in 2008, I have been in awe of the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World:

He's going to Mars with a beautiful blonde. Of course he is.
He's a Renaissance man, a man for all seasons, really an epic hero along the lines of Gilgamesh or say Teddy Roosevelt. They're not making this up:

Hey look a John Milius movie...

Anywho...Does Equis never really goes into TMIMITW's background, I've like to wonder about it from time to time.

At first I figured he was Italian or Spanish but that's too pedestrian. He's Maltese or perhaps Cypriot. He comes from a fishing family and the sea has always remained in his blood. No college, he has no time for that, but is incredibly cultured and well read. He was briefly married to an Eastern European princess who bore him twins, a boy and a girl, before returning to her homeland to lead an anti-communist revolution in which she died with the palace in flames around her.

The boy, now a grown man is sensitive and introverted. A lover of nature and camping with the soul of an artist who enjoys landscape painting. He lives high in the Sierra Nevada Range, selling paintings and giving nature tours to wealthy Silicon Valley types. He too has a beard. His daughter is a prodigy. Award winning cellist and Olympic equestrian (Bronze), who graduated High School at 14 and college at 17. Today she is a world renown archaeologist.