Notes on Stroock's NFL Ban

We totally forgot their was an NFL game on Thursday night. So the ban is going well.

We should define out terms. We'll be folding some laundry later and will probably have a game on in the background while doing so.

[What are you, a woman?-Ed]

This is more of a soft ban, but a ban nonetheless.

[We don't know what that means.-Ed]

Let's review our reasons.

1-We hate the rules. Because one cannot so much as get a hair out of place on a wide receiver offenses march down the field. No lead is safe. This great for ratings and fantasy football stats, but not for the game.

2-We hate instant replay. Every play gets a full IRS style audit. Were both feet down? Did the ball move? Did the player make a 'football move' to establish possession. As the great John Madden said, let's just have a catch be a catch a touchdown be a touchdown and a fumble be a fumble. Enough.

3-We hate the players. This goes way beyond Kaepernick. We loath the best player on the Giants, the showboating but un-accomplished Odell Beckham. We loath the hip-hop culture in the NFL. The braying, the preening, the taunting. These guys are worse than my 4 year old showing off her pink pony dress.

4-We hate the pandering. Because the NFL has a yuuge problem with its players beating up the women in their lives, October is breast cancer month. This means the players are decked out in pink crap; cleats, bandannas, wrist bands. Hot pink does not go great with NY Giants blue.

5-We hate the cheerleaders [Yeah sure-Ed.] No seriously. They look more like strippers. What is this, the XFL? Jesus. [You watched half a season of that-Ed] I did, and it sucked.

6-We hate the commercials. First the way the breaks are scheduled, touch down-commercial, extra point-commercial, kickoff-commercial  Second, to watch an NFL game means being bombarded by commercials in which the NFL tries to sell you stuff, jerseys, aps and the like. It also means being bombarded by DirecTV Sunday ticket ads, Peyton Manning Papa John's ads, Viagra ads, Levitra, ads, Cialis ads [Gee those seemed to catch your attention-Ed].

Yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up, Ed.

[Why don't you shut the fuck up and go fold some laundry-Ed.]