Publish This

We're an indy author. We're a pretty successful Indy author.

What does that mean?

It means we wake up every morning and see 5-10 Kindle sales and usually a couple thousand KU page reads.

Someone once asked us what we would do if a traditional publisher called us.

Well imagine this for a moment won't you?....

Fade In 

Ring-Ring....Ring-Ring....
Me: 'Would someone get the Goddamn phone!'
Oldest Daughter: 'You have it dad!'
Me: Oh...[answers phone] Ahoy-ahoy?'
Caller: 'Yeah, Bill?!'
Me: 'You mean Will?'
Caller: 'Yeah! This is Cathy Cries-Alone. I'm an editor with Precise House.'
Me: Precise House? You mean one of the big five publishers?'
Caller: 'That's right, Bill! Anyway we'd like to offer you a contract...'
Me: Click...

Fade Out

Why would I ever deal with a traditional publisher?

I write what I want, how I want, the way I want.

If I decide World War 1990 the Final Storm needs to be split in two, then it goddamn well gets split in two.

If I decide Blooms, the A Line through the Desert sequel ends with Patricia having an affair while Jake's in Iraq, then Patricia is goddamn well shopping at Victoria's Secret while Jake is with an advisory team in Anbar.

People buy my books and read my books. And you know what else? They like my books. Check the reviews.

I take 70% of every sale I make, every sale. You know what Platypus or Amulet Publishing pays its' writers? It's usually something like 30% and that's if you're John freakin' Gresham.

Yeah, no thanks. I got a good thing going here and I'm not letting some 27 year old, Lena Dunham loving editor with an MFA whose editing books becuase the publisher rejected her vampire-necro Mary Sue novel touch my stuff.

Nobody fucks up my art but me. Nobody.

Oh, and if some traditional publisher wants to bite off a piece of this white chocolate* it's gonna cost them just to open the wrapper- $250,000. Here's the best visual representation I can think of:

*If any of you people pick up on that one I'll be impressed.