Rosh Hashanah: the Interview

Interviewer: Good evening Mr. Stroock, and please put your pants back on.

Stroock: I'm wearing a Spedo, what's the problem?

Interviewer: Well ok. You got it in London, I see.

Stroock: Yes, you put a Union Jack on anything and I'll buy one.

Interviewer: Yes, well...

Stroock: What's with the two goons in the doorway....hey guys.

Goons: We are not allowed to talk to persons our subject is uncomfortable around.

Interviewer: Becuase the last three journalists that interviewed you have never been heard from again.

Stroock: Well, I guess it's a wise precaution.

Interviewer: Shall we begin?...I'm up here.

Stroock: It's not my fault you have a nice rack.

Interviewer: So...why didn't you go to Rosh Hashanah services?

Stroock: Becuase it's like three hours and I don't want to sit there in the pews.

Interviewer But you're Jewish.

Stroock: Yes, but raised secular, like Andrew Breitbart (PBUH).

Interviewer: You're not religious?

Stroock: Not really.

Interviewer: Would you say you are 'spiritual'.

Stroock: No, that's just a cop out from people who believe in god but don't want to admit it.

Interviewer: So you believe in god?

Stroock: Yes, absolutely.

Interviewer: Why not be religious? Services and such.

Stroock: Aside from Passover, it touches me not at all.

Interviewer: Why Passover?

Stroock: I dunno. We did that when I was a kid. Also Charleton Heston.

Interviewer: Please don't get sentimental.

Stroock: Wouldn't dream of it.

Interviewer: Then why A Line through the Desert?

Stroock: Unrealized love.

Interviewer: Ya think? Anyway...but your children are in Hebrew School.

Stroock: Yes, it is my reasonability to raise Jews.

Interviewer Why?

Stroock: Becuase the Stroocks are Jews and always have been. Though Stroock is probably a bastardization of St. Rook.

Interviewer: So the Rooks of Rotterdam converted?

Stroock: Given that I am 46.6 percent Ashkenazi Jew, a St. Rook probably married a Jew, probably in the 16th or 17th century. That side of the family looks like it came out of a Baghdad bank.

Interviewer: Bagdad?

Stroock: Until after WWII Baghdad was about 45 percent Jewish. You should know that, given Britain's involvement with the nation.

Intervewer: Why are all you imaginary friends British Gals?

Stroock: Why do you think...?

Interviewer: Stop winking at me, Mr. Stroock...I think this interview is over...boys.

Stroock: Ouch! Get your hands off me...

Goon: Right this way sir...