Fuck Humanity I have Gout

There I am humming along doing an hour + of cardio, including a half an hour on the treadmill, four times a week, when guess who shows up:

The other night I woke up feeling like a pointy vice was closed around the knuckle in my big toe, just like that right hand claw up there.

The thing about gout is it screws with the rest of the leg becuase one is forced to overcompensate. So my calf is throbbing as well.

Bitch-ass motherfucker.

You know, if I'm going to get gout could I had least have the meat and booze lifestyle to go with it?

I don't even fucking touch red meat anymore. You know when the last time I had a fucking hamburger was? I went to a hibachi a couple of weeks ago and got chicken. Chicken!

Oh, this stuff makes you real pleasant to be around I tell you.