Kurt Schlichter (PBUH) asks if we should invade Mexico.
We say, Viva Benicio Del Toro! (Seriously, have you seen Sicario yet? If not, why not? Go watch it. Now! This means YOU.)
Actually, Viva Pershing.
In 1916, after Senor Villa raided Columbus, NM*, President Wilson ordered our man John J. Pershing to lead an expedition down Mexico way. This is where the fun began. Pershing found a Mexican population hostile to American interests, hard to believe, we know. The US Army fought several engagements against Villistas and the Mexican Army.
On a side note, Pershing took with him a butt kissing young captain, whose sister he was trying to schtup, one George S. Patton, who actually got into an Olde Mexico style gunfight right out of The Professionals or day we say, Sam Peckinpaugh's The Wild Bunch**.
Anyway, Schlichter gives us three options for Mexico, a buffer zone- someone's been reading Harold Coyle's worst novel, an all out invasion (Operation Mexican Freedom), or a kind of special forces centric counterinsurgency, which would basically be Sicario.
We say don't fuck around, let's invade Mexico! Why not? As Schlichter suggests we could land a Marine division at Vera Cruz*** . But we want to go a step further. Let's drop the 82nd Airborne right on Mexico City and have the 1st Armored, 1st Cavalry and 1st Infantry Divisions advance south from Texas (each division we code name Martin, Chase and Short while the eventual target, this AMLO fellow, we designate El Guapo). Logistics should be no problem, we can run supply lines right out of Texas and Florida, and elements of the 101st Air Assault can seize airfields along the route of march.
Just think of it. In every town our boys liberate they'll be greeted by caballeros wearing white cotton pants and shirts come a'calling with the church bells, senoritas in long flowing dresses doing that canasta dance thing like Claudia Cardinale****and young boys promising to lay flowers on their graves. Why this would be the best fed occupying army this side of the Rhine. Think of the authentic Mexican cuisine. It'd be like invading Chi-Chi's.
*The army kicked Villa's ass, by the way.
** That's a lot of dead Mexicans. Bonus question, are there more dead Mexicans in Peckinpaugh's The Wild Bunch or more dead Krauts in Samuel Fuller's The Big Red One?
***That's how Winfield Scott did it in '48, 1848.
****She's Eye-talian, mate.
