Fun with German

Oldest daughter (god are we ever in tween hell) reports things are going well in German class.

Below is another list of helpful phrases to be translated to German. Again, feel free to a weigh in:

-Never walk into a dive bar in Nepal without covering the front door.
-Always wear fire-protected gloves when picking up a medallion.
-Really, I would wait to open that thing.
-Be wary of French archeologists.
-Yeah, I'd eat something before dinner with the maharajah.
-Next time, buy a ticket and he wont toss you off the zeppelin.
-Scottish lords will never show up unannounced at an Austrian castle to view the tapestries.
-Good evening, Mr. Jones.

Les Allemand

So the oldest Stroocklette put French as her first language choice but blundered in her second choice. That's right, she chose German.

We asked her to go to class and say to her teacher, 'Guttentag, Herr Jones...' But she saw the mischievous gleam in our eye and thought better of it.

Why the jokes here just right themselves, don't they?

But let's just go ahead and write them.

A Jew walks into a German 101 class...

Ok seriously, here are ten phrases I think it would be helpful for every German speaker to know:

-Good morning, Mr. Chancellor.
-Yes, this is a very good marching song.
-The English are finished.
-Uh oh, the Americans again.
-I want these Stukas in the air within the hour.

-Where is the nearest ammunition dump?

-Fire torpedoes.
-Burn the village.
-Shoot the wounded.
-This way to the showers.

Feel free to chime in below.

Der Deutsche Schuld

In Israel Strikes: War of the Red Sea, the guilt ridden German Chancellor personally intervenes to stop a 'peace flotilla' escorted by a Turkish warship from landing in Gaza. She orders the Kriegsmarine ship Brandenburg to fire on the Turks if necessary.

We've been intrigued by the notion that the Holocaust links the Jewish and German people in a weird way. Both suffer from its legacy.

The Germans will never live Hitler down. or all time he's the most famous German. Not Beethoven, not Einstein, not Bismarck, hence the Simpsons gag, 'The capital of North Dakota, named after this famous German ruler...'

In the English speaking world everyone our age had grandpas who fought in 'the war'. Personally, one grandfather fought in France, another was to go ashore with the first wave in Japan. Uncle Joe Henry Thomasson fought with Merrill's Marauders. It is a source of great family pride. 

Of course the same is true for Germans our age-minus the pride part. We wonder how many German children in the 70's and 80's were cautioned to not ask Opa too many questions about his service in der ost.

Not long ago a Chinese neighbor who will not buy Japanese cars asked us how we as Jews deal with Germany. Heh, own two Japanese cars but wont buy German cars, we'll never travel to Germany and when we noticed that the German Epcot Center pavilion was sandwiched between the French and Polish pavilions we joked that the rest of Epcot should be in flames.

For the record, we acknowledge the modern German's humanity completely and without hesitation. In so far as we have the capacity to absolve some 18 year old German kid of his guilt, consider it absolved. He. Didn't. Do it.

Below, a German woman at Auschwitz tries to make amends:

Deplorable Deutschland

We've noted before in this space our approval of the populist AfD party winning 13.5 of the seats in the German Budenstag. Whether in Germany, the Netherlands or France, we approve of populist anti-migrant movements.

No good can come from Mass Muslim Migration.

We don't think its unreasonable to suppose Germany should be filled with Germans. The Netherlands with Nederlanders,  England with Englishmen and so on. America being an immigrant country does require Germany to be one.

Historically speaking that's a loaded statement.

In Israel Strikes: War of the Red Sea, the German Chancellor grapples with her nation's history, both in a speech at the UN against an anti-Israeli resolution, and later when deciding to send the Kriegsmaine to stop Turkish runners of the Gaza blockade.

We agree with the AfD party leader that said Germany should stop thrashing itself over the war and take pride in the whermacht. The German army did some incredible things and never broke in either world war. The US Army studies the Krauts, for that matter so do the Israelis. Heh, our grandmother's father flew in the Luftwaffe during the Great War. History is complicated.

 

Deplorable German Jew?

The Next Official Jewish Panic

Yesterday Frau Merkel won reelection in Germany.

Which is fine.

Also the 'far right' AFD got 13.5 percent of the vote.

Via Reuters we see the usual suspects throwing a hissy fit:

Ronald Lauder, president of the New York-based World Jewish Congress, called Chancellor Angela Merkel a “true friend of Israel and the Jewish people” and decried the AfD’s gains at a time when anti-Semitism was increasing across the globe.

Always the next Hitler is just an election away from taking power. I mean Trump, right?

And this little nugget straight from Reuters' ass crack:

Germany, home today to an estimated 200,000 Jews, has built a reputation in recent decades as a tolerant, safe place for Jews to live, but official data show anti-Semitic crimes reported to the police rising 4 percent to 681 in the first eight months of 2017 against the same period last year.

You don't suppose that massive spike in German judenhaus has anything to do with the 800,000 Muslims Frau Merkel let into the country, do you, Frau Merkel?

Angela Merkel, Judenhaus enabler

The Neocon Strikes Back

The great lie of the Iraq Campaign was that it stokes terror, created terrorists, made enemies, and radicalized your every day Muslim.

Really, you think Saddam didn't have WMD? Do you also think the Moon Landing was faked?

I suggest that if seeing news one doesn't like is enough to turn your average Muslim into a suicide bomber, then well, that religion has a huge problem.

Of course, your sophisticated and classy continental nations stayed out of Iraq, and the Islamic War in general. France, Belgium, Germany haven't had much to do or say.

In the last 15 years Spain's been attacked, Britain, Australia, Canada, India, the US of course.

For a while smug continentals could claim that since they stayed our of le American's adventure, they weren't antagonizing the Muslim world.

Well, last night Isis completed the trifecta with a terrorist attack in Munich. This follows the horrific blood-letting in France this year and last, Nice, Paris, Charlie Hebdo...I dunno, it all merges together after a while. These nations were broadly unsympathetic to the United States, stayed out of Iraq and barely contributed anything to Afghanistan.

Still their streets are soaked in blood.

Hell of a lot of good it did them, eh?

I'd like to leave France, Belgium the Krauts with this motivational speech: