Fun with Cardiac Events III: The Search for Will

'So you're going to have to make some changes...' the cardiologist told us at the follow up appointment following the cardiac catheterization.

For starters we take a handful of pills every night. Two for blood pressure, a blood thinner, and two for cholesterol and triglycerides which was at something like a thousand at the time; one -fifty is really bad.

We skip breakfast now and in a bit of cultural self-oppression we only have one bagel a week. We've cut carbs and junk food in half.  We assumed we would have to give up red meat, but to quote the doctor, 'Red meat is not a problem.' WTF? Also a quote, 'Eggs are a good source of protein.'

The doctor said we'd have to lose 40 pounds. Actually the scale says the same thing it always says, 260 or so, but we have taken the edge off around the face and we squeeze into 38's now, that's after pushing a size 42.

Our exercise regime is drastically different. Light weights, walking, some pushups. 

Whatev. We're a bit skeptical of the whole thing and after 6 months of so called healthy living the doctor informed us that our triglyceride level was actually worse than before.

If the reader(s) have ever wondered why we're such a skeptical, sarcastic a-hole, a dozen or so events in our life just like this is the reason why. Doing ABC should result in 123 but does not. The doctor won't quite come out and say it, but even he admits health is mostly due to genetics.

Fun with Cardiac Events: Part Un

So in September of 2015 we were at the gym and about a month into our new workout program. This entailed running, weights, exercise bike, rowing machine and swimming laps. Things were going great.

After a while we noticed a dull ache or throb in our chest. Now we're a child of the 80's, and anyone else who was there knows what we were taught, 'No pain. No gain.' We assumed the ache was actually a good thing, a sign of expanding muscles and the body learning to deal with this new exertion.

Besides, we're not the type to go to the gym in our just-snug-enough floods to prove we're still pretty, but with a sweater wrapped around our waist so none of the creepy guys look at our bum. 

[You are in fact, one of those creepy guys-Ed]

Yes, and we were always thankful to whomever put the thigh master right in front of the treadmill and exercise bike.

[Perv-Ed]

We did not tell these women to show up in tights and curve hugging T-shirts and then squeeze things with their thighs, did we?'

[Actually, you have a point-Ed]

Of course we have a point. We're Will Stroock, and everything we say or write is 99 and 44/100 percent true.

So this throb persisted for a while, by which we mean ten days or so.

[You stupid, stupid Yank-Ed]

One day we simply could not wake up and get going and finally decided something wasn't quite right. By this point we were starting to wonder. 

[Oh now you're starting to wonder. Glad to see that masters degree finally paying off, you twit-Ed]

So we went to the urgent care and they immediately sent us on our way.

[Yeah, to the emergency room. Thank you, don't forget to tip your waitresses-Ed]

Alright, you know what, Ed...

Anyway, we did an overnight in the hospital and got all the tests: blood pressure, EKG, blood work, stress test  and at the end of all that they said, you're fine so go home. We drove ourselves home and got some Indian take out that night.

Just to be sure the cardiologist wanted to do a cardiac catheterization. Frankly we thought it was a lot of CYA, and a waste of our time but we went through with it. Also, one does not cross Mrs. Stroock lightly.

About ten days later the cardiologist did the catheterization...