Rumor has it that the Democrat National Committee is having a super-double secret meeting to talk about potentially replacing Hillary!
This is patently ridiculous. As if the Clintons would relinquish their grip on the Democrat Party for a such a thing to happen.
You don't run a brazen money laundering operation of the breadth, scale and brazenness of the Clinton Foundation only to step aside because its unlikely you'll reach the end of your term in office. Can't you people see that we owe this to Hillary!?
That said, this is a fun intellectual exercise, so let's try to play this out.
Who replaces Hillary!?
Let's start with the obvious-
-Tim Kaine: Though the #2 man on the ticket, Senator Kaine DQs for being a white, heterosexual male.
-Joe Biden: Also DQs.
-Elizabeth Warren: A woman from a NE state who also checks the Native American box on the affirmative action form as she pretends to be Cherokee. Personally I'm hoping for this one, only so I can meet her and say, 'Me white man, trade big wompum.'
-Bernie Sanders: DQs as well. Sorry, but the Democrat Party of 2016 is not going to nominate al-yahud, no matter how much he loves Stalin and Mao.
Gavin Newsom: Mayor of SF. Gay and loving it! Hampered though by being a white male. He is from San Francisco. Being that most male Dems are too, this helps him.
Less obvious-
Andrew Cuomo: Gov of NY and a Clinton man: Seems competent. He's getting the new Tappan Zee Bridge built, which stuns the hell out of me. [Why doesn't he DQ? -ed]. AC doesn't DQ because Italians ain't white. Too bad, really. I voted for his daddy and I might actually vote him. This would also give us an excuse to dig out our old Vote for Cuomo, he's no homo! bumper stickers. Sorry, you're just going to have to google that one.
Bill Richardson: Another Clinton man, mostly did their bidding. Can check the all important 'Chicano' box on the affirmative action form. Endorsed Barry in '08 so its hard to think the Clintons would forgive something like that. Also, he's a complete fucking moron. I mean, back in Mexico he'd be selling trinkets to rich Americans in Cabo.
Deval Patrick: Two term governor of MA. Black. Possible, but the feminist killjoys (I know, is there any other kind?) would scream that its their turn.
Way out there-
Chelsea!: Oh hell, why not? She's 36, just think of the bio. Stepping in for old and inform mom, braving the campaign with two young children at her ($10 million) home. Don't let the fact that she has no experience and no policy chops whatsoever put you off. When did the Democrat Party ever care about THAT?
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