You've been Stroocked

Yeah, I got it right. I saw the signs, yes, I saw the signs.

I honestly don't understand why so many people are stunned by Mr. Trump's victory.

Let's take this number by number, real slow, so that even a J-school trained media stenographer of the kind working at the Times or the Post can understand it.

1-There were plenty of polls that showed the following:

1.1- Trump locked up Ohio. He locked up Florida. By the last week Mr. Trump was campaigning in PA, MI, WI, and Minnesota. None of these states had gone GOP since the 80's. Minne-frakin-sota!

1.2-We've had five major elections in the western world in the last few years: the US midterms, Israel, Canada, Britain and Brexit. In four out of five of those races polls consistently underestimated conservative turnout. The one exception was Canada. Why Canada? Because there was no social cost for supporting Prime Minister Zoolander.

2- You need three things to win. Circumstances, candidates and ideas (thanks Rush).

2.1- Well, the circumstances for Hillary! were terrible, weren't they? The economy stinks. Our foreign policy is a wreck and it is really, really hard to replace an incumbent in your own party.

2.2 - Hillary! had all the charisma of a damp rag (to borrow from Mr. Farrage) and a low grade bank clerk, (to borrow from Mr. Farrage again).  She was a horrible candidate. She's Bobdole without the Viagra.

2.3 - Hillary! had no ideas. Hillary!'s idea was Hillary!

3- We all got Trumped

3.1 He had circumstances.

3.2- He had a couple of very sloganable ideas.

3.3- He turned into a good candidate. He was fun and exciting.

4.0 Anecdotal

4.1- You could feel it. You could see the Trump stickers and the Trump yards signs. They were everywhere.

4.2- He packed them in, everywhere he filled arenas.

4.3- This made for a vast enthusiasm gap.

5 Trump was underestimated

5.1 He vanquished the best slate of candidates the GOP has fielded in a generation. Ted Cruz is picking up Trump's dry cleaning. Rubio wants to know what time his cheerleader wife should be at Trump's suite, and Jeb Bush's political skull is being used as an ashtray for Mr. Trump's victory cigars.

5.2 Yet still the Dems underestimated him. Morons.

You all listened to a bunch of number-crunchers with a lot of high-falootin degrees analyzing distributions and regression lines; I don't even know what that is. Old Washington hands assured us that is was over when the tapes came out (I'm looking at you, Chuck Todd, who I'm pretty sure interviewed me for a job at Roll Call in 2000). Mike Murphy and Bob Shrum assured us all Hillary! was gonna win. Check the resume's of those two clowns, see what they ever won.

Meanwhile, me with my on-line degrees, my little free blog,  and my self-published books, saw what they couldn't.

Bow down. Bow down before me. Not because I have the sight, the clairvoyance, or even the Force. Bow down because I opened my freaking eyes.

Jerks.