Wednesday, March 28, 2018

USA Today is Decadent and Depraved

Senior Trumpologist Don Surber tells us that USA Today wants to hear from Trump supporters:

"Are you a Trump supporter? We want to hear from you!"

Oh joy. That is mighty white of them, reaching out to us deplorables.

From the text:

You can answer one, or more, of the following questions:

Why did you initially back Donald Trump's presidential bid in 2016, and what has he done to keep your support?
What is the biggest misconception (or assumption) people make when they find out you are a Trump supporter?
Would you stop supporting President Trump if he did anything in particular? Why? Why not?
Oh, thank you Great Big Newspaper for allowing us to explain ourselves as if we were members of a primitive tribe.

Of course we have taken up the challenge:

To the staff, editorial board, and ownership of USA Today:

Your little request for Trump supporters to write you and explain why they like Trump and why they would stop liking Trump is astonishing. You're really just trying to figure out what fake news you can run to whittle us away from the president. It's obvious and sad.

You've offended the wrong kind of Americans, USA Today. Nevertheless, I will stoop to answer you asinine questions.

To answer your first question, "Why did you initially back Donald Trump's presidential bid in 2016, and what has he done to keep your support?" I support Donald Trump because I hate you, USA Today, your staff, editorial board and ownership, and I know his existence, as dose mine, offends you. You wake up every morning knowing that Donald Trump is president. That fact not only galls, it hurts, it gives you stress. No doubt some of USA Today’s employees have sought psychotherapy because of Trump. Trump’s occupancy of the White House lowers your life expectancy. This makes me happy.

Your second question reveals so much about you, USA Today. "What is the biggest misconception (or assumption) people make when they find out you are a Trump supporter?" That's half the country you just tried to treat like gorillas in the mists of Africa. USA Today is not Jane Goodall and we Normal American Trump supporters are not gorillas. Simply put USA Today, you’re all bigots. You see, USA Today, my friends and neighbors know I support the president. Some of them do, but most of them don’t. But unlike USA Today and the media, where everyone has to think the same thing, my friends and neighbors simply say, ‘Oh, you like Trump and I don’t. Can you take the girls for a couple of hours?’. We talk about Trump. We joke about Trump, actually. Unlike USA Today, myself, friends and neighbors love America and we respect one another and can move on from mere politics.

Your third question, "Would you stop supporting President Trump if he did anything in particular? Why? Why not?" is arrogant and condescending. Yes, yes we all no Trump is no angel. Of course USA Today and the media knew all about Matt Lauer and Charlie Rose and god knows who else, yet lectures us Normal Americans on sexual morality. Crap like this is why your readership is a fraction of what it was 20 years ago and why I enjoy the pain, suffering and slow death of your industry.

Decorum prevents me from writing what I really want to happen to you, but I will say this, USA Today, go to hell.

By publishing this piece, you agree to pay the author $250. I don’t write anything on spec or for free.

Sincerely, William Stroock

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