Puerto Rican Jews are Totally a Thing

Congressman-person (I dunno) elect Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Yorktown's Finest, Ms. Venezuela claims to be....Sephardic Jew? Via St. Breitbart of LA:

“A very, very long time ago, generations and generations ago, my family consisted of Sephardic Jews … During the Spanish Inquisition, so many people were forced to convert on the exterior to Catholicism, but on the interior continued to practice their faith … some of those people landed in Puerto Rico,” she told a left-wing group, Jews For Racial And Economic Justice.

This would be historically accurate, and we just don't think Ms. Venezuela, even though she is a graduate of Yorktown High (two towns over from our own Hen Hud; go Sailors!) is capable of this kind of intricate, well researched lie.  We strongly suspect that if Ms. Venezuela were to take a DNA test she'd beat Senator Pocahontas' 1/1024th.* 

For all you Gentiles out there, Sephardic Jews are Hebrews kicked out of Spain by the Inquisition- you know, Ferdinand and Isabella? We of course are 46.6% Ashkenazi, Jews kicked out of Judea by the Romans in 70 AD.

Jews in Puerto Rico is totally a thing with plenty of cultural precedent. Behold:

Zayde being from Odessa (Ukraine not Texas) is a nice and realistic touch. Of course FDR wouldn't have let him in the country, but whatever. Who needs Miami indeed. It's like you died and went to Jew heaven down there.

There are about 3,000 members of Charleton Heston's tribe in Puerto Rico (if you're Jewish you've got to know these things) and maybe a quarter of a million in South America. We get around. 

After all there was always a Jew in even the farthest reaches of the Empire. Why one could sail up the Irrawaddy, Nile or Ganges and at the end of the line you'd find a British army officer, an East India Company rep, and Jewish banker or doctor or something. 'How ya doing, Colonel?'- 'Just fine, Maury. Got a touch of sciatica.' 

The man for whom we are named, you know, the meshuga who flew biplanes for the Kaiser and bugged out of Der Fatherland in 1919 ended up being a roadside peddler in Louisiana. 

As the Imams say the Jew is clever

*We're still willing to trade wampum for squaw. Senator Warren, contact us!