Pre Election Day Q @ A

Thank you for agreeing to this interview.

You're welcome. I love news networks from the mother country and their posh late 20's interviewers.

You really think I'm posh?

Oh yes, university all the way.

Well that's kind of you to say, and I don't mean to seem unappreciative but....

But what?

Would it kill you to put on some pants?

You don't like my Union Jack Speedo?

It just seems a bit...inappropriate, don't you think?

Don't act like you don't like what you're looking at.

I'm looking at a middle aged man with chronic foot issues. 

Ouch.

Let's get started with some basic questions.

African or European?

What?

Nothing.

What is your favorite colour?

Why the hazel in your eyes, love.

Awwwww....

You seem flush. Can I get you a towelette?

Thank you, no. It's just that I'm getting a Don Draper vibe from you.

I bet you are.

Moving on....Who did you support in 2016?

Marco Rubio.

Why?

I thought he was the most electable candidate and could expand the base.

Who did you support after Rubio?

Ted Cruz.

Why?

He wasn't Donald Trump.

Where you 'Never Trump?'

No. I was 'Not Trump'.

Why?

I had policy ideas.

What were those policy ideas?

Neoconservative.

Are you still a Neoconservative?

Na.

Why not?

There's no arguing with Trump's results. He's completely change my mind about trade. I've had my fill of foreign intervention. Nobody cares about policy wonk ideas for garbage collection. Also, the old Neoconservative types are a bunch of losers, grifters, shysters...

Does this mean you have turned on George W. Bush?

Absolutely not. His kung fu is strong. Handling 9/11, liberating Afghanistan, winning the Iraq campaign, five years of strong economic growth and TARP, which may be his most important accomplishment.

So you think he was a good president?

As was his dad, whom I voted against in 1992. One day they'll name an aircraft carrier for W.

What are you now?

Andrew Breitbart, also Trump. In all things, Trump.

So when did you get on the Trump train?

Right away.

Why?

I loathed Hillary. She's deeply sick, caught syphilis from her sex addict husband and is almost certainly on the spectrum. 

Thank you...Moving on.

Please.

Why do you think Trump will win tomorrow?

Why do you think he won't?

Well, the polls....

Honey, if you believe the polls, you must be a great date.

Is that really necessary?

Oh it is, it truly is. Trump will win because of his record, his base, his campaign, his ground game, the enthusiasm gap. Come on, love. Every metric but the polls favor Trump, and even the mainstream polls are narrowing. CBS published a scenario for a Trump victory last night.

But...

But nothing. Listen, sweetheart, if you can't feel the movement, momentum, the shift toward Trump then you have zero situational awareness whatsoever. I hope you don't ride the tube by yourself.

Ride the tube? Perv.

I thought that's what you people called your subway?

Oh...Oh! I thought you were telling a bad American joke.

What, like something about a pogo stick?

Now you're a perv!

Your accent is slipping, love. Posh my sweet, muscular buttocks. I've listened to enough AC/DC in my time to recognize a Geordie when I hear it.

I'm sorry, that's all the time we have for today.