30 Years On

Scene: 1992, a bedroom. Within a 19-year-old waits for his girlfriend to call. Out of nowhere, an older figure appears.

'What the...?'

'Hello.'

The 19-year-old turns his head, squints for a moment, 'You're...'

'That's right. I'm you. 30 years from now. I mean, we can do the whole routine where you ask me questions only you will know the answer to. Do you really want to do that?'

'No...you're me,' the 19-year-old says. '30 years from now, dude?'

'Dude...Yeah. Forty-nine.'

'Wow...You spend a lot of time in the future lifting weights.

'And running, and calisthenics. You don't get fat. Actually, you'll be borderline fat a couple of times in the next 25 years. But you're going to have a "major cardiac event" and you'll change.'

'Oh,' the 19-year-old says. 'So, is that why you're here? To warn me?'

'No. Mostly just to tell myself about the next 30 years. This is about me, not you.'

'Fuckhead. Okay.'

'So, you're not fat. What else...oh! You play guitar.'

'Totally cool. I never would have thought I'd be able to do that.'

'You think a lot of dumb shit.'

'Fuck off.'

'You're married.'

'Nice,' the 19-year-old replies. 'Is she...?'

'Yes.'

'Does she...?'

'Of course.'

'Will she...?'

'You married her, didn't you? Anyway, you're going to meet her in about 18 months.'

'Oh wow. At Wesley College?'

'Yes. So, the 90's...you're going to start a lot of things but finish few of them. A lot of that is your fault for being unfocused, lazy even. Some of it's the fault of others. But overall, the 90s are kind of a rough decade.'

'I've just had the worst year of my life,' says the 19-year-old.

'You'll have worse...A lot of failure. A lot.'

'That sucks.'

'It does....But the 2000s are good. Things are going to really get going in 2003 - just a great, great year. The 2010s are good too. So far, the 2020s ain't bad at all.'

'What am I doing?'

'Well, just like you kinda, vaguely hope now, you're a writer.'

'Cool!'

'By 2022 you've published fifteen + novels. You've also written about a hundred magazine articles.'

'What kind?'

'Military history. Also, you've published another hundred plus articles online. You know, the internet?'

'The thing with the computers?'

'That's the one. It becomes a really big deal. Anyway, you've also been a teacher on and off. And a college professor. History.'

'Neat. What else? Do I go into the...?'

'No.'

'Oh.'

'You've still got a bad temper and are kind of grouchy. Don't worry, you haven't turned out like the people you're afraid you turn out like.'

'Phew.'

'For the most part.'

'In a lot of ways, you're more impatient in 2022 than you are in 1992. In fact, you've concluded that patience sucks and isn't worth the effort.'

'Huh,' 19-year-old nods. 'Why?'

'Let's just say you're going to be patient in the 90's and it ain't gonna work out. In 2022 you're kinda insular and set in your ways. You have a routine, and you hate breaking it. You are in a bubble now that you do nothing but write full time.'

'Okay,' 19-year-old nods once more.

'You're a work-acholic. Writing, finishing novels, articles, is about all you do. You watch some TV, but it's hard for you to really get into anything. Ironically, technology being what it is, you can watch almost anything ever made. Which makes it a lot harder to find something to watch. It's not like turning on Channell 11 and watching Star Trek.'

'Oh.'

'You don't care about the Yankees or Giants anymore.'

'What the fuck?'

'I know, right? By the way, the Yankees win a lot this decade. A lot.'

'Cool. Kevin Maas really pans out, huh? Why are you laughing?'

'Just like with Kevin Maas, a lot of the things you think are so aren't so. But surprisingly, some are. Turns out you can write during baby knap time.'

'Just like I thought.'

'Uh-huh. You're going to get a lot of work done during nap time. Anyway...'

'What? You out of here?'

'Yep. Thirty years. 49 years old. Next year, 50. And I gotta tell you something. It feels like 60 will be here in no time...'