This Patriot is Blue

So yesterday the Toyota dealership mechanics popped the hood of our 14-year-old minivan and found a squirrel's nest. 

This being America in 2023 the mechanics couldn't remove the nest, liability, you see. So we took the car home and removed the nest ourselves, baby squirrel and all. We left the squirrel in the yard under a tree on the off chance its mother would find it. Within an hour the baby squirrel was gone. Whether the squirrel was back in its' mother's tender embrace or sustained one of the many hawks in our neighborhood, we don't know. 

Anyway, the damn squirrels chewed through some electrical housing and wires like a hungry Mynock, which explains why a couple of the dashboard lights went off. When we called the dealership, the mechanics refused to tell us how much it would cost to fix, which meant it'd cost a lot, so we cancelled the follow-up appointment. We ain't pouring a tonne of money into the 14-year-old minivan. Seriously, when we opened the hood yesterday the hood prop snapped off. 

Before we left the dealership, we test drove a Toyota Highlander. The car drove fine, in fact it handled kind of like a minivan and was a tad roomier than our Honda Pilot. The Highlander also has all kinds of gadgets we don't care about. When did keys go the way of the ashtray and cigarette lighter? We didn't hate the Highlander, but we didn't love it either. For what that thing costs, one better love the vehicle. We loved out Jeep (2003-2014).

Which brings us to today's 2003 and Me. Toward the end of the summer we bought a Jeep Liberty, Patriot Blue (the year was 2003 and one still had Toby Keith in one's head all the time. Fuck you, al Qaida). Normally we wouldn't even think of buying Chrystler (if you were alive in the 70's and 80's you'd understand). But this was a Jeep. If you can't trust a Jeep, what can you trust? We loved that Jeep Liberty. Quick on the highway, nimble in the suburbs and city, great in the snow. We quickly festooned the rear window with Led Zeppelin and AC/DC stickers. Eventually we brandished those annoying family stick figures too. Honestly, we felt kinda cool driving that thing.* We were totally based.

So the House started an impeachment inquiry. Frankly, we didn't think Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R, Cuckistan) had the guts. [Drops into Emperor voice] good...good. You know, we tried to warn Dems during their own impeachment shenanigans that sooner or later the GOPs would take power and...It was no use. These are the new norms, Dems. These are your rules. As the good Colonel Schlichter has remarked, 'You're gonnna hate the new rules'. And so it has come to pass. And spare me the talk about the debt ceiling and spending, GOPe. Impeaching Joe is the only thing that matters. Reminder, Trump Won. 

*When you think your new minivan is a sweet ride, you know you're middle-aged.