What it Takes

When the Life Alert people called I got a bracelet delivered to 1060 West Addison, Chicago, Illinois 60613.

When the Indian IRS scammers called I kept one of them on the phone for 24 minutes, 'Oh yes I'm getting into the car and heading to the bank....vroooooom...'

When the male enhancement lady called I thumped my hand on the table and said, 'You hear that? Does it sound like I'm having any trouble in that department, honey?'

When the Indian credit card scammers called I told them my Visa number was 4867-5309-9021-0911.

When the solar power guys asked my contact number in case we got disconnected I gave them the White House's phone number.

When an obviously Indian woman was telling me she was a Dominican calling from central Florida, I demanded she tell me how many homeruns Sammy Sosa hit in 1998. 

Tell me what it takes, people, tell me what it takes.

How long do I have to do this until someone puts a little asterisk by my number, until a call center manager says, 'That guy has the time and wherewithal to keep us on the phone for ten minutes, move on.' 

Tell me what it takes to let you go...do-do-do, do-do-do, do-do-do...

I think we're going to have to escalate.