Reader Magnet

So these shitheads cold called me yesterday.

The above mentioned shitheads ae Reader Magnet a self-publishing and book marketing firm. Right away it was clear we were speaking to a $10 an hour telemarketer. As the poor sop read us the sales pitch, ours was a study in cold detachment and rudeness. When we finally asked how much they wanted to display a single copy of one of our books at a book fair they replied $500. We laughed mockingly and demanded a supervisor. 

We cannot word for word  recount the tongue lashing we gave the man, but it went something like this:

Listen up, I am a highly successful author. I am very good at what I do. I've published more than a dozen novels and marketed them all myself without the likes of you. You go to Amazon right now and see how well I've done. Seriously, do you know who the fuck I am? I am an indy-publishing and book marketing expert.  Five-hundred dollars? Are you out of your fucking mind? Do people really take you up on this? No wonder those Pakistani telemarketers won't give up. Tell you what, pal. If you believe in me so much, here's a counter offer. I'll sell you one-hundred copies of The Austrian Painter, at $4.99 a pop. For $9.99 I'll autograph each. Deal?

We might cold call Reader Magnet's office today and try to sell them some books, you know, just to be a dick.